How to be polite in German?

There are many different ways of making polite requests, suggestions, and statements in German. To be polite in German, you can use:

• formal address, titles and informal address depending on the situation

• modal verbs like können (meaning can, to be able to)

• subjunctive forms like könnte (meaning could)

• indirect questions (rather than direct ones)

• polite phrases—such as bitte (meaning please) and danke (meaning thank you)

• polite gestures, like a handshake

Let’s take a look at this very polite sentence:

Now, in real life, we might not always want to use the whole arsenal—if we did that, it might even be misunderstood as sarcasm! Let’s take a closer look at all the different elements that can make a statement polite and learn when and how to use them for the best (and most polite) effect!

In German, “formal address” is a way of speaking to someone formally, while “informal address” is a way to speak to someone informally. But what are the linguistic differences between the two, and how can you tell which one you should use? Let’s have a look!

In German, we use modal verbs to help make our requests and suggestions sound more polite and less like demands. It’s just like how, in English, “May I have a cookie?” sounds a lot more polite than “I want a cookie!”

The German modal verbs können (meaning can, to be able to), dürfen (meaning may, to be allowed to), and sollen (meaning should, to be supposed to) are the ones most frequently used this way. These modal verbs are considered polite, because using them implies that one needs permission from the listener and that it is not obvious that a request is fulfilled or a suggestion honored. Can you take a look at the examples, please?

• Request:

  Kann ich mit euch Fußball spielen?

  Translation: Can I play soccer with you?
• Request for permission:

  Dürfen wir morgen ins Schwimmbad gehen?

  Translation: May we go to the pool tomorrow?
• Suggestion:

  Soll er dir morgen helfen?

  Translation: Should he help you tomorrow?

Pair these modals with the German equivalents of “please” and “thank you” (see below!) to achieve a basic level of politeness! Use these modal verbs for your requests and suggestions when talking casually, e.g. in a situation with friends, family or acquaintances where no special politeness is required.

If you want to be both polite and formal, you’ll probably want to use the subjunctive as well!

In German, bitte means “please” and danke means “thank you.” Just like in English, you might hear these called the Zauberworte (meaning magic words)!

The word bitte can actually be used three ways:

1. when you request something, like “please”

2. when you are fulfilling a request, like “here you go”

3. when answering to a thanks, like “you are welcome”

You can see all three uses in the exchange below!

Bitte is a politeness supertalent!

Bitte and danke are the most basic forms of “please” and “thank you” but there are variations, as well, that are more formal and more emphatic, for example:

• bitteschön

  Translation: here you go, pretty please
• bitte sehr

  Translation: here you go
• dankeschön

  Translation: thank you
• danke sehr

  Translation: thank you
• vielen Dank

  Translation: many thanks
• Herzlichen Dank!

  Translation: Heartfelt thanks!

Another area where politeness plays a big role are greetings and farewells. Here are some formal and casual options:

Please note, though, that it is always fine (and pretty common) to use the more formal greetings in less formal situations, but not the other way around.

Here are some appropriate greetings and closing to use in writing, like letters and emails. Take a look at these phrases to help you write at your most polite.

Last but not least, let’s quickly look at some politeness do’s and don’ts. Not all of these have to do with language, but they are often just as important:

1. handshakes and other physical greetings

   When they first make your acquaintance or even when they just greet you, Germans may expect a handshake. Not too firm, not too soft, always with your right hand, preferably with eye contact. The younger your counterpart and the more casual the situation, though, the less likely it is that a handshake is used. Younger Germans might also hug in informal situations among friends.

2. being direct

   Germans can, in general, seem more direct than Americans. For example, they might offer their opinion on things without asking, favorable or not. Don’t be taken aback — it’s not meant impolitely, it’s just a cultural difference.

3. Germans and small talk

   There is a common stereotype: Germans don’t do small-talk. Like all stereotypes, it has a kernel of truth, but is mostly a gross exaggeration. Germans might choose slightly different topics for their small-talk, but they small-talk nonetheless. Be ready to talk about your work, vacation, or your new apartment, but you might want to avoid overly personal or potentially difficult topics such as religion, health or money. Keep in mind, though, that many Germans are broadly more willing to share about these more difficult topics than Americans are, even with relative strangers and that might include sharing their opinions on world politics!

4. Politeness strategies

   Use as many of the strategies in the sections above and combine them at leisure, but don’t overdo it, so that you don’t come across as ironically rather than sincerely polite.

Here are the big takeaways about how to be polite in German:

• Use formal address (e.g. Sie) to address a superior or in a formal situation, use informal address (e.g. du and ihr) with friends or inferiors.

• To make requests and suggestions sound less like demands you can:

  • Use modal verbs (in casual contexts)

  • Use the subjunctive II (a bit more formal)

  • Make an indirect request (e.g. “Can you tell me…?)

• Don’t forget to say bitte (meaning please) and danke (meaning thank you)!

Want to try out being polite yourself? Check out our German polite language exercises!